It is
interesting how persistent those things that speak generally in the subconscious
realm can be.
There are a lot
of loud things in this city. Loud emergency vehicles, protesters, children, air
conditioning units, un-muffled cars, etc. All of these things I would classify
as being “louder” than the small voices of the subconscious, but at the same
time, all of those things can be eventually quieted or escaped so that the
noise of them no longer invades a quiet space. Not so with the thoughts of the
mind.
Well, there’s
always meditation I suppose. They say that those who are truly gifted at the
practice can effectively enter a place of quietness of mind.
But
interestingly enough, the spiritual discipline of meditation as it relates to
God is more focussed on actually listening to the still small voice which
speaks from within one’s spirit, instead of quieting it.
And for me, a
person who is not very advanced in the art of God-focussed meditation, I find
God has other ways of getting his still small voice, without letting it become any
other than still and small. It is quite remarkable.
So when it
became apparent that it was not going to be practicable to immediately follow
what seemed to be God’s leading with regard to seeking to represent the kingdom
of God in the life of the grossly oppressed and abused people on God’s mind, I
attempted to find ways to fulfill that mandate in my life here and now – where I
am; and satisfy the calling in that way. But the small voice kept speaking.
Quietly, calmly, but steadily. I do truly believe that God can and will be able
to use me for his purposes where I am at the moment, in Toronto, where the
needs are different. But the voice that still speaks reveals a direction which
has been unanswered and unfulfilled.
That is not to
say that I think it is wrong for me to stay here for now. I don’t sense
condemnation from the Holy Spirit at all. Just a reminder that this is not the endgoal,
this is a waystation on the way to where He wants me to be and I have to keep
looking inward and listening to the Voice because it requires that I move on –
at some point on the not too distant horizon. I only hope that when that time
comes, I will recognise the Voice for who it is and be ready to follow.
My cloud may rested
here for the moment, but I feel burdened to keep in mind that my lodging here
is more temporary than usual and I should not get too comfy here.
The knowledge
that God has the entire path and destination planned out step by divine step
keeps me from despair – though it is stressful to determine how to deal with the
connections and bonds which form in a place of temporary lodging. Little is
permanent in life, but it is nice to have bonds in those places life finds you
lodging. But how many of those bonds will survive the next order spoken by that
still small voice? And what will be the quality of those bonds? Those seem to
be questions that are not as easily answered. But I would guess that that is
precisely why God wants us to make our most intimate and vital bonds with Him
alone – the only One who will always be a part of life no matter the circumstance.
Other bonds will form, fray, fracture and sometimes fail (a little alliteration
for you, &C) and there are generally ways to retain them, renew them, or
remediate them to a certain degree. But a bond with God is always available,
and can always be strengthened. I really enjoy that.
And for me, it all begins with learning more and more to listen to that still, small voice which continues to speak...
